February 18, 2017

If you'd have asked young Chloe what she'd be like at the age of 25. She'd be married, with about 3 children, working as a vet or an air hostess and have her shit figured out. She'd have a big fancy house that she owned, wearing designer clothes and loving her life. All was being surrounded by amazing friendships. Well, today marks the day I turn 25 .. and I laugh at my younger me's ideal of what life should be like.

I am not married. I am however in a long term relationship (celebrating 6 long years and the end of this month) with a man who would do anything for me, I mean anything. I'm even talking about letting my quit my job to find out what I want to do with my life and support me both mentally and financially. Staying with me through thick and thin. I don't think too many people could say that about their relationships. No, I don't have a ring on my finger. No, we don't own our own house. No, we don't have our shit figured out and no, we don't have any children and I am not pregnant. But yes, we love each other. We support each other unconditionally. Yes, we have an amazing relationship and I wouldn't change it for the world. I just wish that young Chloe knew how much more important these things are than the social normal of being married.

I am not a vet. I am not an air hostess. As I type this, I don't even have a job and that's okay. Life isn't supposed to be easy, we aren't always supposed to grow up to be what we want. I went to college and studied Art and Design and loved every minute of it. I then felt pressured by society to go to University and know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life at the tender age of 18. This didn't really go to plan and after just a few months of not being sure if it was right for me and being miserable, I gave up. I'm good at knowing what I don't want to do and not really good at knowing what I want to do and that's okay. I panic about having so many jobs on my CV since the age of 18 but I try to see it as a strength.

I've learnt so many skills and I've had so many experiences through my job history and they've all made me who I am today. I will eventually figure out what I want to do and if I don't figure it out, that's okay. As Baz Luhrmann says "The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year old's I know still don't .."

I've suffered from depression. I live with my anxiety. I've suffered from extreme self confidence issues, I've lost over 3 stone and then gained 4 stone. Life does not always go the way we want, the way we expect. Our life isn't the highlights reel we show on Instagram and through our blogs (I am guilty of this too) We have the down days. And it's all okay. People don't seem to want to talk about the bad times but I'm not afraid to show my weaknesses. Be strong.

As I turn 25, I will enjoy these years of my life, even when I still don't know what I want to do. I am on an adventure through life. Things will get better and if they don't - then that's just fine. 

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